Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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