He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
