I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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