I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
