Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
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I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
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On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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