"it" just moved
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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