Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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