And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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