If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
