I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
