cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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