I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
