hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
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Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
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I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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