fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
