oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
