Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
