Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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