Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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