You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
