I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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