paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
