I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
