Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
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But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
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I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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