Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
