We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
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Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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