At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
