I'm passing your future prison.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
