dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
