so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
