so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
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He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
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I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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