I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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