I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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