I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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