I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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