have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
