You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
