I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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