Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
