I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
