ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
