Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
