i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
