god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i think i have herpe
just one?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
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