If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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