Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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