he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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