The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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