So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
