I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
