Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
