the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
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Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
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I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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