You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize