Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
