after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
