Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
