Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
