My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
