Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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