She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
