I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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