Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I could make wine with my vomit
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
