the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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