dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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