in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
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Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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