I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
