I wish I could punch you in the face.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
