If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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