and you said cock pushups were impossible
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
