Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
