Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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