I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
