I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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