I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
