i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
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i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
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I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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