Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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