mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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