shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
