I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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