Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
