Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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